saw the bouncing souls last night at riot. guess that was a big deal. wrote a million stories. in my head. while sitting at the. bar. forgot them. all. didn't drink too much. didn't drink enough? slept in. messy dirty hair. flirted with glitter beard. saw some guy. i used to make out with. lots. at riot. told old greg. she laughed. her ex is dating. his ex. story of kc's life. we laughed. guys from the a band. were checking us. out. so we hurried off. told glitter beard i have to get my. protein somehow. watched him get. all grins. so i got. all grins. we didn't say much for. awhile. we said everything then. it won't pan out. so i gave him my number. got insurance check. a shoe coupon in the mail. one iced soy white mocha no whip. sunshines on my side. just keep texting.

"i've been searching this town, and all i have found, are nights of bad sex with stupid boyfriends i shouldn't have kept, and a stupid flat that i never swept." -cftpa

and wonder what it's like to be my friend. awesome is the answer. so here goes.

Nick Cage, close personal friend and famed actor, asks us to sit at his bar last night. we go. the roomie and i. she takes too long getting ready. i systematically briefly wear all the clothes. in my room. but end up in a glorified muumuu. leggings. favorite pink scarf. white cardigan black pockets. black flats. rachels hat. get perfect parking outside the dark horse. car no muffler. everyone stares. i back up too fast. old roomie. wednesday night boyfriend. rondom guy who knows my name and i should know the name of. congratulate me on. my parking prowess. i have to look up how to spell that word just now. read savage love at the bar. wednesday night boyfriend sits by me. a while. flirt. flirting. flirted. he and old roomie leave. shmiglet comes. makes me laugh. too hard. i refer to half a beer as. a "nip". take some shit for that. laugh more. text old roomie. i'm supposed to turn into a pumpkin at one. roomie tell us. dry vermouth. tastes like semen. learn a new lesson errrryday. awwwww c'mon. we tell nick cage. famed actor and close personal friend. he giggles. he's going party hopping with us. on saturday. hope i don't let 'em down. roomie needs an i.d. two beers in. giggly. can't get wasted. keep thinking pumpkin. keep thinking come back wednesday night boyfriend. i have a generalized. desire. to ruin you for all. future women. he comes back. i can't eat his sisters. butter nut squash tart. vegan no butter. butter bad. he leaves. butt hurt. heart hurt. i forget i painted my face. in the decorative colors of my. native people of Wesport. (it's like the "trendy" area of KC but it's really only like seven really shitty bars and EVERYONE has herpes from fucking eachother. KC is not a real place. let alone a city. but it tries.) touch my face. doesn't smear. old roomie comes back. tell me met my twin in New York. russian bar. she was on some show. i forgot which. too busy plotting her demise. THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE. higlander style. random guy looks up. Dune facts. on my phone. harmless enough. beer three. already kinda drunk. nick cage famed actor and close personal friend only pours me half. the roomie and i tell him about the Sneezing Incident. the roomie, along with the susal phobias of snakes, spiders, roaches, also fears. blowing her nose. she's great in everyway. like that. has allergies. snot rags all over my couch. my knuckles get white. from clenching. one of her boys. toy. calls. she sneezes. snot all over the arm. screaming at me "DON'T FUCKING LOOK AT ME" i look. we laugh long enough. for the boy. to hang up. i'm retorting. "who would want you now???" "hide your fucking shame" cackling wildly. Nick Cage famed actor laughs. everything is hilarious. wednesday night boyfriend becomes. glitter beard. i try to rub the glitter. off of glitter beards beard. i run it in. instead. outside pretty drunk. no shots yet. old roomie keep hitting people in the. balls. amazon gooses glitter beard. in the backround he says. "no i'm not happy you just stuck your thumb up my ass and no i didn't like it but mostly i'm just worried about who elses ass that thumb has been inside tonight." i tell shmig and roomie. more cackling. try to leap over. a yellow pole. no wingspan. random bros cheer me one. one leaps over another. balls brush face. the catcher doesn't mind. i laugh. another one. out of the woodwork. tries to show me how. my tiny wingspan. lacks the sping. someone tells me to take off my flats. "someone get this girl a pair of jordans." chug beer. try again. fail. shmig tapes it. showes me the video. i laugh. i am a small child. i should be sleeping now. to be continued later.

i don't want more. or less. everything. the waves push up, then down. i'm not drowning. sinking. floating. just a tiny part, or everything. i let the chaos overtake me. should i be sad? elated. hurt. no no no. i close my eyes. everything in reality is so damn. fake. you. your smile. your lies. your fucking good intentions. my fingers turn blue from baking muffins. blueberry. i become simple things. simple needs. there are cranberries in my. drinking water. when the sun sets. i am reborn. i feel my knees creak. when i run. the blood pumping through my. veins. not yours. shoes filling up with. blood. from blisters. keep going. a little further. i use her socks. i have none of my own. and someone will pull me. out. i know. but for now i'm treading. water. biding my. time. nothing hurts me.

so i ask. are you OK?